•• first, weapons of mass destruction, then celebrity fragrances. good lord, what next? ••

In a strongly worded message from the State Department, the United States today warned singer-actress Jennifer Lopez to cease and desist manufacturing her new celebrity fragrance Glow “immediately and forever.”  

THE STATE DEPARTMENT message came in response to Lopez’s audacious announcement last week that she would start producing a new celebrity fragrance in open defiance of international treaties curbing celebrity fragrance proliferation.

Specifically, Lopez’s decision to start producing millions of bottles of Glow flies in the face of the Agreed Framework treaty negotiated by the Clinton administration, prohibiting so-called “multitalented performers” from branching out into celebrity-fragrance production.

With Lopez’s announcement, pressure may be building within the Bush administration to take out her celebrity fragrance plant in a preemptive strike before Glow can be produced and shipped.

“If J. Lo gets a celebrity fragrance, it’s only a matter of time before Kelly Osbourne and Justin Timberlake do,” said Jean-Luc Broussard of the Center for Celebrity Fragrance Control in Brussels.

“If that happens, heaven help us all.”