This Girl's Voice

Monday, January 16, 2006  

Million Dollar Baby

On Vincent Gallo's website Merchandise page, among other things for sale besides his "Vincent Gallo Childhood Nixon campaign pin & autographed box" ($250) and "Vincent Gallo Limited Edition Jew'ls: Diamond Heart Pendant" ($10,000), he is also making available, for the asking price of $1,000.000: "Vincent Gallo's Sperm".

His advertisement features a Black & White drawing (in succession, from left to right) of presidents' Nixon, Reagan, George H.W. Bush, George W. Bush and -- yes, Vincent Gallo -- conveniently making the case, however unintended, that since the emergence of Nixon from that murky Republican primordial swamp, it's all been downhill.

Nonetheless, Vincent Gallo is a picky donor and selective breeder:

Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar.

posted by voxpopgirl | 1/16/2006